not directly

'not much of a girl'
is how I would apply it

undrifting and coarse
I lack the interest.

underneath
I find something in me
unafraid.

though something
of a girl is left in me
between the
softening edges

birthday

another brittle tally
to throw in the small bonfire
of years

another claim to age
when these numbers
mean less and less

only shoving through a field
of scattered figures and
abandoned politics

knowing how soon
the idea
loosens it's thin charms
and tightens this untold grip.

as I stand abstract

two

a line divides
a space,
differentiating between
the openness

it's said that stories
own about two sides
or more

but there is more
than one side
here in me

and a need to find
an edge to the real story now,
and cap down whats left of me.

nocturnal

it's late. only I'm up. I've been asked why I stay up.

It's because my thoughts are my own at night.

just stop talking whitney you are the daughter, the sister.

"yes, I understand you want me to be nothing"

upside down

There is a little black goldfish that I keep in a small tank. It's been swimming upside down for months, barely even moves at times. It looks sickly. I have to move my hand past the tank to check for signs of life. My sibings notice the everyday strain the fish goes through offer to kill the poor devil.

A lot of times this fish ignores it all, dives down deep to get pulled back up, lives his life in a small and empty tank - belly up and unnatural.

I talk to this thing and say look at us, pretending it's nothing and doing it all like it is normal. Operating with less than enough.

line from aquarius

"and though I ask for help in riddles
it is clearer in my mind"

-Regina Spektor

why

"we scream in cathedrals,
why can't they be
beautiful?"

tori amos

Anything for you

I came to know
when
I locked my
hands around you
in protective circle
the thin bands of life
the tragedy of fragile.

then was knowing that even
if I had the will
of ages
still you could fall
still the Gods would laugh

at the walls of breath
at the shields of skin

and for pagan tries
at meaning.